After four years of non-stop nerdery (which predates both the Twins and this fine publication), I finally defended my dissertation on Friday. I know I left you in terrible suspense all weekend by withholding the results, but I’m ready to break the silence. Are you ready?

Well, guess what? I DID IT!

If you so choose, you can now call me Dr. Pseudonymous. John Pseudonymous, PhD will also work. I will also respond to “Doctor,” “Doc,” and “Hey, you with the diploma!”

To commemorate this momentous occasion, I thought I’d remind you how excellently I’ve chronicled this journey and thus, from beginning to end, here are some of my favorite PhD-flavored Twincidents, for your re-reading pleasure. If you don’t read them now, they may disappear into the Disney Vault forever, as after acquiring Star Wars, a Disney-Twinfamy merger seems to be the most logical progression.

In all seriousness, though, I wound up re-reading a bunch of these myself and laughing at stuff I’d completely forgotten about, so I can vouch for them as highly clickable. (Re)Enjoy!

. . .

I started my PhD program in Fall 2010, but in anticipation of the Twins’ birth in January 2011, I took the Spring and Summer 2011 semesters off to focus on keeping two newborns from screaming. As the Fall 2011 semester hit, I laid out my Master–er…Doctoral Plan for balancing my PhD with stay-at-home parenting in Doctoring Up.

This led to my being commissioned by the government to investigate closet zombies and sleep deprivation, the findings from which are outlined in Veered Science.

I later conducted a research study on whatever sustainability is in public transportation, and boy, did I sharpen my Angry Birds skills. This seminal work can be found in Sustainability All Through the Town.

Also, as part of my program, I had the privilege of learning computer programming, allowing me to make my balls dance around for anyone willing to watch. If you’re interested, Keep Your Eye on the Beh.

As I began brainstorming ideas for my dissertation, I saw a little silhouette-o of possibilities, but bismillah, no, I had to let them go in Discarded Research Questions from My Dissertation: A Non-Exhaustive List.

I later endured The Semester That Shall Not Be Named (which almost left me ass-less), in the bone-chilling Statistics Reveals That I Hate It.

After a 10-hour nerd binge during my comprehensive exams, my wife offered me an unsolicited study break via blitzkrieg party favors in Not So Silly String.

Another fascinating study break while I was working on campus resulted in a series of Questions for the Dudebro Drinking a Beer in the Campus Restroom Stall.

And, of course, there was the day it all ended at my defense, with Bill Murray and Jabba the Hutt battling for my soul in Thesis the End.

. . .

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and support as I’ve fought, crawled, and ninja-flipped my way through this minefield. Although I feel I’m ending my program on a very positive note, I’m pretty freaking stoked it’s over, so I can move on to bigger and better things. (A new family member, for example.)

Yes, Thesis The End, beautiful friends. Thesis The End.

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If not, thesis still the end.