Twinfamy

the epic blog of a father of twins

The Top Six Reasons This is a List

August 23, 2011

Since Friday of last week, I haven’t been able to spend much time constructing genius word sculptures for you, O Loyal Reader. However, throughout the course of my fustercluck of a Monday, I was able to slowly–and in about twenty sittings on my BlackBerry (Yes, I’m still rocking the BlackBerry. Someday I’ll have enough money to join you iPhone hipsters.)–generate the following manifesto explaining why I’ve been so busy. In the interest of time, I resorted to the “list” format overused on magazine covers, such as “859 New Looks for Fall” which is an actual “article” I saw advertised on one of my teen sister-in-law’s recent issues. While I’m admittedly using a lazy writing device, I’m also admitting it, so now you have no choice but to enjoy The Top Six Reasons This is a List:

(Pause for medieval fanfare.)

1. We just moved.

Boxes — I think the Phillips head is in that brown one.

This past weekend we packed the belongings of the entire Pseudonymous entourage into a U-Haul, and now that We-Hauled them to the new Pseudonymous World Headquarters, we’re still busy reassembling furniture without the proper tools that are in a box that I swear I just saw over there and OW! This f*cking box just ripped off my toenail!

Yeah. It’s taking a while.

2. I started school last week.

Crayola 64 Crayons — I still haven’t had an opportunity to use my brand new Crayola 64-pack in my Ph. D. classes, but I’m ready.

Even though when last school year ended I retired from teaching middle school, the last few months have still felt pretty typical for me–as if it were just another summer vacation. Well, except for the whole becoming a parent and taking care of twin babies thing. But I did know I’d be returning to my Ph. D. program when Fall hit, so it was like a summer vacation. So as I’m still shifting gears from Summer Mist to Fall Frenzy, once my workflow is, um, flowing, my writing for this fine publication will surely follow. I just need to get myself back into “school mode.” (OMG! I had homework on the FIRST DAY! Can you believe it? My teachers are SOOO mean! I swear, the pale one is a vampire.)

3. Laundry outsourcing.

Our World Headquarters doesn’t have a washer or a dryer yet (Yeah, I know, it’s not a very good World Headquarters) so until we do, I’ve been packing up the kids and our diaper pack mule/tauntaun and heading to Grandma’s house with basketfuls of spit-up-caked clothes from all members of our family, both spitters and spittees.

4. Special guest time-suckers.

The Room of Requirement - Harry Potter — How can I teach the Twins Defense Against the Dark Arts without the proper facilities?

I have hosted a revolving door of essential service calls this week, including TV satellite, Internet, plumbing, and Room of Requirement installation. A few of them were creepy, and I’m not even talking about the wizard. I expected him to be eccentric. I just don’t feel the need to answer questions about my kids’ favorite baby foods or chat about how effective the new cable modem your company made me buy is, especially when I am clearly holding a crying little girl and attempting to get said little girl down for a nap. And yes, I AM bringing my son in the room with me instead of leaving him out there with you. With all due respect, your mustache is unsettling.

5. HBO Sunday Nights

Holy crap! Is anyone else watching True Blood and Curb Your Enthusiasm? Is it just me, or are they even more phenomenal than usual this season? Whether you agree or not (in which case you’d be wrong), after the weekend we had, there’s no way I was going to miss My Stories.

6. We have twins.

It’s a miracle I’m able to write at all. Gimme a friggin’ break.

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Categories: Family, Humor, Hyperreality, Parenting, SAHD, Stay At Home Dad, Twins

Tags: back to school, BlackBerry, box, Crayola Crayons 64 Colors, crying, Curb Your Enthusiasm, customer service, daughter, Fall Frenzy, family, father of twins, fustercluck, genius, Harry Potter, HBO, homework on the first day of school, iPhone hipsters, J. K. Rowling, laundry outsourcing, lazy writing device, list, magazine, moving, my mom, My Stories, my teacher is a vampire, nap, new parent, O Loyal Reader, pack mule, pack tauntaun, PhD, Pseudonymous World Headquarters, Room of Requirement, SAHD, school, son, spit-up, spitter/spittee, stay at home dad, Summer Mist, summer vacation, teaching, True Blood, Twincidents, Twinfamy, Twinfants, twins, U-Haul, unfortunate toenail battle damage, unsettling mustache, vampire, washer/dryer, wizard, word sculpture construction, writing

7 responses to “The Top Six Reasons This is a List”

whatimeant2say

August 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

If the laundry outsourcing results in Grandma doing the laundry, I don’t think you should be allowed to keep it on the list!

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1. John Pseudonymous
  
  August 23, 2011 at 4:14 pm
  
  Nope, I’m physically going to Grandma’s house with the kids and doing it myself. I wouldn’t have included it on the list if it didn’t involve work on my part. Did two towering loads yesterday, including our entire baby sock collection, which needed to be cleansed due to one of our brilliant moving helpers who decided the twins’ sock bin was the best place to also put a jug of pesticides from the garage. I suspect one of the teenage family members we enlisted, but I’m not sure which one.
  
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jetts31

August 23, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I like no. 6. Its amazing any of us have time to write anything. Good luck with that PhD.

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1. John Pseudonymous
  
  August 23, 2011 at 8:48 pm
  
  Amen to that, Jimmy. We do it for the love. I think as parents/writers, when we do have the time, we make it count and it winds up coming from a very real place. I know I always have ideas swimming around in my head, but the challenge is finding the time to actually execute. At the same time, the time we spend with our families (instead of always and only writing) is reflected in the love we share, ultimately making for more compelling reading. Kind of like:
  
  “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
  –The Beatles
  
  Thanks for the words of encouragement on the Ph. D. It’s going to be a challenge, but as Barney Stinson would say, “Challenge accepted!”
  
  To my Loyal Readers who are unaware: This is Jimmy. He writes an excellent blog called Founding a Father and you should read it. It’s one of my favorites.
  
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Daddy’s in Charge?

August 23, 2011 at 8:02 pm

#6 is all you needed on this list.

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1. John Pseudonymous
  
  August 23, 2011 at 8:55 pm
  
  Yeah, you’re probably right. Although that wouldn’t have made for a very good list. “The Top One Reason This is a List” doesn’t really have a nice ring to it. It also poses the question “Can it be a list if there’s only one item?”
  
  Thanks as always for the constant encouragement, John. You rule.
  
  Loyal Readers, you should also check out John’s blog, Daddy’s In Charge? He’s a funny guy and makes me incredibly excited to play Legos with the Twinfants, as his blog often stars Legos.
  
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Fiona.q

September 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm

True blood is very eye catching in the latest season :)

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