What My Kids Do During the 30 Seconds It Takes Me to Leave the Room and Pee: A Non-Exhaustive List

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Toddlers

1. Get into a fistfight over a Lego

2. Get into a fistfight over a sticker

3. Get into a fistfight over a toy we’ve bought two of so they won’t fistfight over it

4. Steal Daddy’s phone

5. Get into a fistfight over Daddy’s phone

6. Reply to emails from Daddy’s dissertation chair with gibberish

7. Break something, causing a fistfight

8. Break something, during a fistfight

9. Climb onto the kitchen table

10. Go streaking

11. Dump out the dog’s water dish and claim to be ice-skating

12. Empty the toybox I just spent a half hour filling while they sat on their asses singing “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere” and contributed a single toy between the two of them

13. Draw Daddy a pretty picture…on the wall

14. Remove all books from all bookshelves; bonus points for top shelves that require climbing

15. Hide

16. Throw fits and pitifully scream “Daddy! Daddy! I want you to come back! I don’t want you to go!” until I return

17. Follow me in and tell me I’m a big boy when I’m done

18. Plot against me

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What do YOUR kids do during the 30 seconds it takes you to leave the room and pee? What’s on YOUR list? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? Tell me tell me tell me in the comments below.

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If not, will you just watch my kids real quick while I go to the bathroom?

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48 comments

  1. Deborah the Closet Monster

    I know I am still relatively young and spry, but I envy the speed with which kids can accomplish some of these feats. Excepting the fist fight portions (only the one here, still), all these are ones we’ve experienced some variation of. :)

    Oh! And popping a piece of plastic into the “on” oven! That was a fun one.

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Oh, don’t worry, you’ll have fistfights soon enough. :) The plastic must have been a blast. How long did your house smell from that one. Of course, I guess if the oven was on, he could have burned himself. So at least you dodged that bullet, right?

      Like

  2. Drea

    My twins pull about half of the stuffing out of the futon and then cry and scream “MOMMY! IT’S A SPIDER! MOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYY!” or cry “WAIT, MOMMY! WAIT! WAAAAAAIIIIIIIIT! MOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYY!” Once in a while I hear “No, Alice! That’s MY puppy!” “No, Rosalie! It’s MY puppy!” “NO, ALICE! MINE!” “But what about ME?”

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Oh, geez. That’s like “crying wolf.” How do you know when there’s REALLY a spider? I have to say, on occasion I’ve even *ahem* stopped mid-stream in cases that sounded like dire emergencies, but they never are. So now I just finish and take what comes when I get back out there. You never know what you’re going to get.

      Like

      • Drea

        I’ve learned the difference between real spider calls and the fake ones thanks to Bubble Guppies. When it’s a fake spider, they simply say “spider”. When it’s a real spider, they don’t cry, they simply marvel and say “Look, mommy! An aracnid!” *facepalm* My girls.

        Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Wait’ll you start potty training. My daughter believes the only acceptable amount of toilet paper to use is a piece twice her height. She then proceeds to use just the corner to wipe. So yeah, we love our Costco mega-packs.

      Like

  3. srj355

    Oh I wish I could freeze time. My baby is an over achiever. Walking 7 months, full on climbing at 7.5 months and already stealing toys at 9 months. Fistfights are goig to be here soon

    Like

  4. afourytale

    Love this! I have twin boys and this list is very similar to mine. I have found them on the kitchen table. Climbing the shelves in the pantry, smearing syrup on the floor, spilling whole boxes of cereal, and most definitely they can tear any room apart – toys, books, clothes, shoes, you name it in 30 seconds.

    Like

  5. Muhala

    Oh, I loved this! I just laughed and laughed. Here are some of the things my boys do in the 30 seconds it takes me to leave the room and pee:

    -kiss full length mirror I just Windexed.
    -fight over legos.
    -fight over who destroyed whose lego structure
    -lose a hotwheel car beneath the refrigerator
    -crack a pane in their bedroom window because one wanted to see if the ball would bounce off the window.
    -find Daddy’s pocket knife and pull it apart to see how it works.

    My quest is to raise these boys into adulthood and not do them too much bodily harm, ha!

    My favorite color is green. :-)

    Like

  6. Traditional Dad

    I get worried when things get quiet. When my twins were still small the boy decided to cut the girl’s hair. The girl was a willing participant as they hid behind a door (the boy was always the mastermind). Quiet is calm before the storm.

    Like

  7. Kathryn

    Absolute belly laugh at number 12!!! I have two boys 8 and 5… I can very well relate to this list. I’ll add mine:
    Lose the hamster behind the immovable cabinets in the living room.

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Oooh, that’s a good one. We had hamsters in my house when I was a kid (my two sisters had one each). I remember the inevitable hamster search party that would happen every few weeks. I’m sure in a few years I’ll feel your pain, as I have a feeling we have rodents on our horizon as well.

      Like

  8. Pingback: 30 Seconds of Vulnerability–What a child can do
  9. Angie Pantazi

    Reblogged this on Crashing through the pelvic floor and commented:
    I think we can all relate to this! I remember having to time going to the toilet to coincide with the time it took my baby to crawl to the bathroom to find me! And leaving the room for one second, only to return to find my little boy balancing precariously on the top of the couch, almost falling into the glass window behind him. Ah, the joys!

    Like

  10. louisgift2014

    I absolutely loved reading this, I even laughed out loud! What a fantastic blog, I’ve only just started ‘blogging’ but if I get anything like yours I’ll be happy. Enjoy your twins. x

    Like

  11. jessipaul06

    This totally has me rolling because this is my life too with my 3 year old twins plus my 4 year old daughter. 30 seconds equals a twin tornado here…9 times out of 10 its my oldest telling my son or daughter to hit their sibling and then they do so and the crying starts. At this point I go pee and stay in there for longer than 30 seconds in hopes that they figure it all out on their own! :)

    Like

  12. margaretmathews

    my bro and i had one year difference and we did that all the time to our parents.we wrestled like two bulls in dirt over the remote,etcetera.hahaha.We are best of friends now and i m 21 nearly though we still tease each other…There is hope!:)

    Like

  13. Jennifer Writings of a Mrs

    I wish my kids would get into trouble when I was in the bathroom….that would mean that they weren’t all following me into the bathroom chattering non-stop …..and I have 8 kids…..you can imagine the train going up the stairs right? And yes, I do have a large bathroom lol
    Best of luck with the twins!
    Fantastic Blog!
    Cheers
    I have a personal blog and a Mommy blog, a girl needs SOME privacy, right? lol

    Like

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