House Potty

PottyPotty training is in full force at Fort Pseudonymous, opening up the entire dwelling to excretory crossfire. We’ve had good days and we’ve had bad days, but the bad days are way more eventful, and thus way more entertaining. Accordingly, I’ve curated the following very special moments from our experiences with The Great Transition, so that you may laugh at our expense. (Fair warning: This is called “House Potty” for a reason.)

. . .

The Organ Trail

“Hey baby, do you have to go potty?”

“No,” my daughter giggled as she sprinted laps around the house with her brother in crime.

I’d asked her at least three times in the past five minutes because she’d just downed an entire cup of water, and I knew it was coming.

I returned my attention to the mound of dishes in the sink, and after rinsing a few more glasses, looked up again to see her standing in the middle of the living room with a look of distress.

“What happened, baby?” I asked, dread welling up inside me. “Did you go pee pee?”

I then noticed the carpeted floor surrounding my daughter, where she had left a liquid trail behind her: first a circle around the perimeter of the room, then looping around the ottoman, a few sharp turns, and finally a puddle at her feet.

She had essentially created a real-life version of the Family Circus comics depicting Billy’s wayward path through various scenes but…well…with urine.

The Family Circus - Billy's Dotted Line

My daughter–who stood there frozen–had still not answered me, so I asked again. “Baby, did you go pee pee?”


. . .

Get Off My Case

I don’t know why, but during the day, our son gravitates toward our daughter’s bed. The Twins have separate rooms–and hence their own beds–but it seems he’s decided his own bed is solely for sleeping, and his sister’s bed is for jumping, reading, and throwing all 500 of her stuffed animals (which she calls her “babies”) on the floor.

And so one day, when my wife and I were out in the living room while the Twins were playing in their rooms, we suddenly heard the unmistakable toddler squeals of impending shenanigans/twinanigans. From the sound of it, our daughter had joined forces with our son in the jumping/reading/throwing thing. Just as we were getting up to check on them, we heard our daughter shout, “Oh NO!”

Rushing to see what was the matter, my wife discovered that in the excitement, my son had had an accident (number 1) all over his sister’s pillow.

“My pillow!” she whimpered.

“It’s okay,” my wife eased. “Here, let’s get you another pillow.” She put the pillow in the laundry room for decontamination, found a new one, and put on a clean, new Yo Gabba Gabba pillowcase.

As she put it back in the bed, our daughter was beyond grateful:

“Thank you, Mommy. SO MUCH!”

. . .

I’d Prefer a Bird in the Hand

I hung up the phone and looked up to see my daughter standing there in her training pants, offering something to my dog, who was sniffing it curiously.

Aw, how cute, I thought. She’s sharing her snack with the dog.

But then I realized she had not been given a snack.

“Hey baby, what is that?” I asked, reaching out my hand. “Can Daddy see it?”

She obliged, and I investigated the grape-shaped object in my palm.

Is that a rock?

No, too soft.


No, unless she somehow found a Tootsie Roll somewhere.

Wait a minute…

And then I sniffed it. And knew for sure.

“Sweetie, did you just try to feed the dog your–”

“I go poopy. In my pants.”

Yep. That’s what I thought.

At least she was honest with me this time.


You may also enjoy:

Let's Get Sh!tfaced, Part Deux Deux   Poop on the Wall   Buddy and the Great Glass Water Sprayer

If not, do you need to go potty? Do you want to go try?


  1. samonnier

    So happy that this is what I have to look forward to. ;)
    It used to be so nice to laugh at others poopy-misfortunes…

    How old are your twins? Mine are just turning two this weekend… we are definitely not going down that road until they’re pretty obvious about wanting to do it to, but I’m always curious as to when other people get the ball rolling.


    • John Pseudonymous

      The Twins are two and a half years old. I can’t say for sure whether they were ready or not. I thought they were, but it’s taking longer than we figured it would, so we’ll see how it goes. My completely uninformed, non-expert advice is to just do it when you feel your family’s ready.


  2. Simply Knots

    :) Our almost 2 1/2 year old daughter just informed me last Tuesday that she is a big girl like Dora and she wants to use the big girl potty. I was ready to give up by the afternoon of the second day (this is not our first attempt), but she made it in the potty once. The next day, she had one accident. She hasn’t missed since, so it’s kind of crazy how fast they learn when they are ready! But I love these stories. Your blog is very interesting. :)


    • John Pseudonymous

      Glad to hear it worked out for you. We’re still working on the Twins. We’re not sure they were ready to start after all, so we’ve eased up on the training and are planning to get back on the horse when they seem to be more on board with it.


  3. Pingback: Mommy and Daddy Bloggers Shoot the Poop: Part One | The Daily Post

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