Unanswered Questions from Children’s Songs: A Non-Exhaustive List
1. No, seriously, Brother John–are you sleeping or not? Because if you’re not, I’m calling 911.
2. Is anything going to be done about the strange banjo player in the kitchen with Dinah, or are we all just okay with this?
3. I still have so many questions about your ear elasticity–did you say that do hang low? And if so, do they wobble to and fro? And finally, if you don’t mind me asking, are you able to tie them in knots and/or bows?
4. Is there a maximum per customer on this Hot-Cross-Buns-for-a-penny promotion? Because if not, I’ll take a baker’s dozen.
5. Can you tell me how to actually get to Sesame Street?
Is that even a real sign?
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I’m quite certain I missed some, O Loyal Reader, as these select few have consumed my consciousness and often keep me up at night. If you can think of any others, please add them in the comments section. Yes, that’s right, take my hand. Together, we shall blow these unsolved mysteries wide open!
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If not, tell me again about those ears of yours.
Twinfamy 
Somebody stole the cookie from the cookie jar and until the thief owns up, nobody’s going home.
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I’ve got all the time in the world. I’ll wait all day…
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I’m happy you know your ABCs but I’ve been singing this song with you for 3 years now so I won’t be singing it again with you.
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There will be no “next time.”
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Do you know the muffin man? Seriously… I want a good banana nut muffin.
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I don’t know him per se, but I’ve heard he lives on Drury Lane. I know that doesn’t help much. There’s actually a lot of people milling around there lately trying to catch a glimpse of him, so rumor has it he travels in disguise now to avoid the paparazzi.
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I would never ask about the The Wheels
On The Bus, that might just inspire a whole other thought process.
What is E-I-E-I-O slang for?
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Well if you’re interested in The Wheels on the Bus, I’ve done extensive research on the topic, demonstrating significant implications about whatever sustainability is all through the town: https://twinfamy.com/2012/02/29/sustainability-all-through-the-town/
My best guess for E-I-E-I-O is “even if everyone is opposed,” as in “Old MacDonald had a farm, even if everyone is opposed,” with the intent of sticking it to all of the people who doubted him, who said he’d never have a host of animals renowned for their bleats and barks. Well, he sure showed them. Now they all sing the song to their children daily with secret despair in their hearts. Haters gonna hate.
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^^^ This. Brilliant.
Though I’ll never be able to sing that song properly again…
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Thanks so much. I don’t think I will either.
But I also think that’s okay. Old MacDonald would want it that way.
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How much is that doggy in the window? I mean, some breeds go for $1,000 these days…
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I guess we could go in and ask…but then what would we sing about?
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Who exactly is in the kitchen with Dinah?
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I dunno, but I’m hoping she knows him. It’s likely a friendly visit as a banjo is involved (banjos are rarely an indication of foul play due to their jubilant timbre). However, it would be nice to know. I know I’d feel a little better about the whole situation.
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Well, I know who shot the sheriff, so that’s a start. But do you know where the hell thumbkin went? being without an opposable thumb is a real pain.
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The guy’s a ghost. He shows himself, says hi, and then runs away again. What is with him? Really burning lots of bridges there.
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How has Little Bunny Foo foo escaped prosecution for all those assaults on the poor innocent field mice? That fairy that comes along really isn’t seeing justice served.
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To be fair, he was turned into a goon. But I guess that raises another burning question–what are the implications of goon-hood and is that a suitable punishment?
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Someone tell Liza and Henry they are really overthinking the hole in the bucket.
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Right? Meanwhile the clock’s ticking because the water’s draining out of it. Why was plugging the hole with a hand or finger never an option?
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i think there’s a definite reason why we don’t know how to get to Sesame Street. “they” don’t want “us” there. :)
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They sure want us thinking about it, though. With geniuses like us around, they’re really shooting themselves in the foot there.
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I’m kind of curious about Jack and Jill personally. Aren’t wells down hill? Won’t they need more than just a pail?
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Wow. An excellent observation! Perhaps the well was on the other side of the hill?
And furthermore, why not at least bring two buckets?
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It’s not a diamond in the sky. It’s nuclear fusion.
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Now we can all stop wondering…
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Until you fix that wheel on your little red wagon, I will not be your darling.
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Yeah, you’ll never get a darling with a ride like that.
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No, I’ve never seen a whale with a polka-dot tail and I think you’re mother may be suffering from dimentia or wild mushrooms.
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Or maybe you’re just watching Yellow Submarine.
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If I don’t care that Jimmy Cracked Corn, why am I singing about it?
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Good one!
Odd to care do much about not caring.
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To my daughter: If some old man ever does knick-knack on your knee, you tell daddy right away. Promise?
And if the farmer takes and wife and the dog takes the cat. Was somebody murdered?
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No kidding. If that creep touches her thumb, shoe, spine, etc., there’ll be hell to pay.
As for the second one, we may have a bloodbath in the dell. I think the cheese did it, as it’s standing alone, all suspicious-like.
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If everything that I buy for you keeps crapping-out, like the mocking bird, diamond ring (why are we buying babies diamond rings?), looking glass, billy goat, etc., then why do I keep buying you things? Maybe I should stop buying from the same merchant. And why would I think that a horse and cart could replace a cart and bull? Aren’t they pretty much the same thing? And again, why does a baby want/need these things?!
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Good call. I never got that song, particularly starting with buying a baby a mockingbird and then going right to the diamond ring.
I can’t even afford a diamond, but if I could, I’d give it to my wife, who wouldn’t try to freaking eat it.
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And if an old man bumped his head on the way to bed and couldn’t get up in the morning, we need to stop singing cheerful songs about it and call 9-1-1!
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Definitely a reason for concern. You keep that guy awake and stop singing in the rain.
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I don’t know where your little dog has gone, but I’m pretty sure you’ll need a more detailed description than “With his ears so short and his tail so long,” as this describes almost every dog out there.
(Sorry, I’m having too much fun with this thread!)
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Perhaps the song was originally an audio-visual piece, with a poster to fill in the descriptive gaps.
Do not apologize. You are a champion.
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How many times will The Itsy-bitsy Spider climb up the spout before he tires of being repeatedly washed out?
And for goodness’ sake, what kind of person puts a baby in a treetop? Sure, harnessing wind energy to rock the cradle is a creative way to induce sleep without tiring one’s arms, but had this method been properly tested first with a doll or stuffed animal, its infeasibility would have been proven without all of the drama.
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That is one determined spider. Perhaps we can all learn a lesson from this tenacious arachnid.
I gotta admit, the “Rock-a-Bye Baby” is one that really unsettles me, too. When we first had the Twins and we were trying to rock/beg them to sleep, we’d sing to them. And so, as a new dad, of course I had a very small repertoire, so I went with the old classic. However, about halfway through the first singing of the song, it occurred to me how disturbing it was. Who the hell wrote this song, thinking it was a nice, relaxing thought to put in kids’ heads while they try to fall asleep?
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How do you spell B-I-N-G-O again?
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Yeah, I thought I got it the first time, but then you kept taking letters away so now I’m not so sure.
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But think about how cool it would be to have a dog named *insert clapping sound here*!
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It’d be cool sometimes, but a pain in the ass when you’re mad at them and trying to yell while clapping all angrily, looking like an idiot and hurting your hands.
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Good point. And imagine if you had a clapper-lights and the tv and maybe other random appliances would be going on and off-it would be absolute chaos!
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Exactly. You’re gonna want that dog to have a clapless name.
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Puff the Magic Dragon is about a dragon named Puff. No, really.
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I’ve always thought so, too. Anyone remember the animated cartoon they made out of it?
http://imdb.com/title/tt0262711/
My sisters and I used to borrow that VHS from the library every other week. I’m sure that’s influenced my view of the song a bit.
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Why would one call the king’s horses and king’s men to assist Humpty Dumpty? Should not such people have more important things to do?
And more importantly, are the royal guards and horses even adept at repairing broken beings who clumsily fall off walls? Perhaps a doctor would have been a wiser choice.
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Exactly. Or perhaps someone skilled in assembling intricate models with glue.
What good is a horse in this situation unless it can throw out witty quips like Mister Ed for comic relief?
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Why does the monkey chase the weasel for fun when the weasel is obviously very upset? A bit of bullying going on?
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Who is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and why do people feel the need to yell his name out everytime he goes out?
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Why does the Mama Duck lose a duck every day but still lets them go over the hills and far away anyways? And when they do come back afterawhile, does she punish them or does this cycle continue? Has anyone notified CPS about this? This is one negligent duck mama!
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