Reasons Pocahontas Needs to Stop Judging Me: A Non-Exhaustive List
Don’t give me that look.
1. Okay, no, I’ve never heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon, but it’s not my fault that the wolves in my vicinity are typically happy and well-adjusted.
2. Sure, I’ve never asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned, but I don’t really see the point in that, as I don’t speak Bobcantonese and feel I’d just create an awkward situation for said bobcat, thus ruining the very smile about which I am inquiring.
3. No, I can’t sing with all the voices of the mountains, but come on, it’s not for lack of trying. Singing with Everest’s is my Everest.
4. While I can’t paint with all the colors of the wind, I can Photoshop with them, which is a way more marketable skill nowadays. Can you do that? No, you can’t, Pocahontas.
.
You may also enjoy these other posts just around the riverbend:
If not, let’s hear YOU sing with all the voices of the mountains.
Yeah, not as easy as it looks, is it?
Twinfamy 
Looks like Pocahontas just got served.
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Sure did. Take that, you dead, fictionalized historical figure.
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Last time I tried to talk to a bobcat all it was interested in was trying to tear my face of in little strips. Pretty sure I don’t want to know why it’s grinning.
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An excellent point. Perhaps the bobcat grins when presented with a potential meal. Makes me wonder if when Pocahontas asks, it lies to her while waiting for an opportunity to attack.
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I like her canoe. Did she make it herself?
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Very possible. Maybe she’d like to brag about that, too.
Maybe she’ll paint it with all the colors of the wind and tell me I’m inadequate.
The blue-corn-mooned sky’s the limit.
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thankfully for me, my girls weren’t too much in pocahontas. they were more into Alice in Wonderland. i’m pretty sure I can still rattle off most of those songs without missing a beat.
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Yeah, them Disney songs really wedge themselves into your psyche, don’t they?
Alice in Wonderland is one of my wife’s favorites, so your girls have excellent taste.
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This was brilliant! I also loved the faded “You may also enjoy” text, which I almost forgot to read.
So you certainly showed her! Silly spiritually-aware woman, wither her depressed wolves and singing mountains…
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Thanks! I wonder sometimes if anyone’s even paying attention to the faded gray text at the bottom. Sometimes I think it’s just for me. Which is okay, because it entertains me quite a bit.
But yes, I’m hoping now she’ll think twice before throwing her judgy judgment looks at me while I’m just trying to enjoy an animated film with my children.
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I could sing with the voices of the mountains, too, if I had nothing better to do than ride around in a canoe all day.
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An excellent point. Let’s see her do all that stuff with the weight of responsibility on her shoulders–throw in a few kids, a day job, some bills, and way too many DVR-ed tv shows to keep up with. She has no idea what we go through just to have enough energy to sing with one voice of the mountains by the end of the day, after walking barefoot in the snow uphill to wireless Internet connections.
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Exactly!
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i believe all these accusatory statements originally stem from the low self esteem she reveals in the first line of the song. “you think i’m an ignorant savage”, someone needs to reach out to that girl.
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Could be, man. But with that attitude, she’s not making it easy. If she’s not careful, she’ll be painting with all the colors of the walls she’s putting up.
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And I bet you’ve never died of flu either.
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Oh, great. Thanks. Rub that in, too.
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Comparing your two pictures, her cheekbones kick ass over your featureless round head, too. And to Disney’s credit, for once a character’s breasts are within the range of actual human dimensions. Yours?
But to your credit, you’ve had to watch Pocahontas way more than any human should have to and survived to blog about it. So really, she’s in no place to judge.
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Oh, I won’t deny she’s got me beat in the attractiveness department. In fact, it conveniently gives her just one more reason to look down on me.
I will admit I haven’t seen the entire movie many times, but the song is on a Disney Sing-Along Songs DVD the Twins particularly enjoy, so I’ve done my time in that respect.
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