On the verge of our second family vacation since Twinification, a significant discussion point in the Pseudonymous Household as of late has been the Twins’ maiden airplane voyage. How will we keep them occupied/quiet/sedated? What do we do if all six hours of the flight are fortified with stereophonic banshee shrieks and full-body flails? And most importantly, is there an alcohol consumption limit for passengers–and if so, how can we beat the system?
Having scoured these Internet waters for answers, I made a startling realization–the answer was right there under my invisible stick-figured nose all along, in the form of my esteemed colleague Barmy Rootstock, self-insisted parenting guru and author of one of my very favorite blogs, the hilarious I’ve Become My Parents.
You see, in addition to graciously helping his son become just like him, Mr. Rootstock shares this benevolence with his readers by answering one of their kajillions of burning questions every week in his WTF Wednesday advice column. I knew it was a longshot sending him a query so close to our vacation, but Lady Luck–or possibly Lady WTF–has smiled upon me, and Barmy has deemed my request worthy, providing oodles and additional bonus oodles of advice for me and any other first-time parent fliers in his latest installment. This life-saving opus can be memorized here:
Thanks to Mr. Rootstock, I can now board the plane knowing I’m prepared for anything, and it also goes to show that duct tape truly can fix anything.
Problem solved indeed.
You can read about the Twins’ ACTUAL first flight here.
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If not, perhaps you ought to seek professional help from Barmy.