Why Crying It Out Does Not Work in Our House: A Haiku

If one cries it out,
the other wakes and joins in.
And the plot thickens.

Maxell Blown Away Guy

. . .

I’m thrilled this method has worked for your only child, but when I say I’ve been up half the night, I’ll thank you to remember these simple, catchy 17 syllables instead of being one of the dozens asking if I’ve tried it.


You may also enjoy:

Be Careful What You Wish Fo'   The Battle of Little Big Bird   Willy Wonka's Fatal Mistake

If not, maybe YOU should cry it out.


    • John Pseudonymous

      Yeah, that’s what I figured. Many people have told us we’re done with uninterrupted sleep for quite some time, which is just the most encouraging thing in the history of all encouraging things. It’s not that bad when it’s one and my wife and I can take turns, but last night it was both of them.

      I think I’m developing a resistance to caffeine.


    • John Pseudonymous

      Thanks, man. I think one of the main reasons being a new parent is so difficult is because you’re having to do more than you’ve ever done, on no sleep.

      Someday I’ll sleep eight hours a night again. I’m going to be so much more pleasant to be around.


    • John Pseudonymous

      Yeah, we’ve tried that before, but one of them–I forget who and can’t imagine why my memory is failing me (yes, I can)–actually had an opposite reaction to it. Instead of knocking the kid out, it was like a shot of adrenaline. That actually happens to me with some kinds of meds, too–it should make me tired but instead I’m ready for a prizefight.

      I guess it’s worth another try so I know who gets hopped up and who goes ni-night.

      I should write it down this time.


    • John Pseudonymous

      All right! Looking forward to Jimmy-penned haikus.

      Maybe we’ll ignite a hip new haiku movement that will take the blogosphere by storm.

      Ever seen a storm inside a sphere?

      Me neither.

      But I’d like to.


  1. Sarah Richardson

    After reading every sleep book in the world for my first born (who held the title for world’s worst sleeper, until his little bro was born)…here is what I learned.

    They will sleep through the night when they are ready. And sometimes it happens overnight. One night they wake up 3 times, the next night they sleep 8 hours…it is a racket to think that we can do anything about it.

    Do whatever is necessary to maximize parental sleep and just survive. And you are right- even when they “sleep through the night” there will always be something to disrupt it…nightmares, peeing in the bed, cat jumping in the crib (or maybe that’s just us)…

    You can do a few things: 1. Wait until they are in their sleep prime, (about 16 years old, I am told) and pay them back by waking them up at 6am and making them do stuff for your personal enjoyment. 2. Just wait until they move out and sleep then. 3. Give them to the grandparents sometime overnight and enjoy a passionate, steamy, kinky night of you and your wife sleeping…(I have yet to try this- but I have heard it is amazing)

    Enjoy fellow night waker. I am with you in spirit and in reality- up at least 3 times per night…


    • John Pseudonymous

      I’ve heard the whiskey remedy quite a bit–both for parents and kids. I suspect it to primarily be an excuse to have whiskey in the house and/or drink it.

      I will not offer the Twins any, but if it helps me fall into deeper, more fulfilling power naps between nighttime episodes, I won’t rule it out.


  2. Brenda

    I love your poetic nature and I’ll ask if I can quote you. I host a free webinar “Oh Baby, please let me SLEEP!” and I’d love it if you could come to the next one asking all of your questions and venting all of your frustrations. You haven’t lost too much sleep because you still display a wonderful sense of humor:D


    • John Pseudonymous


      You only have my permission to quote me if–when quoting–you include both my name (John Pseudonymous) and website (Twinfamy.com), and, if you plan on providing a visual representation of the quotation, you must use a screenshot from this website and not put it in an ugly PowerPoint presentation, especially if it has any animated clip art that has nothing to do with the content of the slide. You must also tell everyone in attendance how excellent this website is, and that they simply must visit. If you do not comply to all of the above, ninjas will remove extremities as described in this fine publication’s Twinja Advisory.

      If you would like me to attend and/or make a guest appearance in this webinar of which you speak, please provide the details and we’ll talk.


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