The Battle of Little Big Bird

Over the weekend, the Pseudonymous Family threw The Party of the Century, a shindig commemorating both my wife’s 30th birthday and Halloween (conveniently, her favorite holiday). Throngs of friends and family shindug with us sporting costumes ranging from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers to William Wallace to Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

For their first-ever Halloween costumes, our beloved Twinfants donned feathery blue wigs and red jumpsuits, appropriately labeled “Thing 1” and “Thing 2,” while my wife and I rounded out the Dr. Seuss theme as twin Cats in the Hat(s?).

Thing 1 and Thing 2 Costumes

My rock star mother crafted these completely from scratch, and even equipped them with hindquarter diaper-changing snaps. Thanks, Grandma!

The Best Kid Costume title in our illustrious costume contest went to our friends’ two-and-a-half year old daughter, who dressed as a pink pirate. When I found her darting between witches and Freddy Kruegers on the back patio, I offered her my congratulations. She was playing with the Twins’ roughly-six-inch-tall stuffed Big Bird.

Little Big Bird

Yittle Big Bird

“I have a bird!” she proclaimed.

“You do. Do you know who that is?”

“It’s a bird.”

“That’s right. It’s Big Bird.”

“No, this is a yittle bird.”

“Right. He’s a little bird, but his name is Big Bird. From Sesame Street, right?”

She squinted at me, then Little Big Bird, then back at me, and firmly resolved, “No.”

Before I could counter, she ran off, into the house.

Apparently, the conversation was over.


You may also enjoy:

An Open Letter to Elmo   Eating the System   Sock Monkey Face-Five

If not, did you at least like them a yittle bit?


  1. I've Become My Parents

    Really? So size really does matter? Damn. Well, I mean, it doesn’t really make any difference for ME. I just feel bad for other guys that are, well, you know…

    Anyway, I dig the Thing 1 and Thing 2 costumes! And remember, Little Big Bird can always go out and buy a Hummer if compensation becomes a problem.


    • John Pseudonymous

      Yeah, I’ve heard that for OTHER guys that can be a touchy subject. It makes me a yittle sad for them.

      I have to say, the image of Big Bird driving a Hummer–possibly equipped with weapons–is EPIC. Maybe he could have a Honker infantry if they loaded their horns.

      Just a thought.


    • John Pseudonymous

      I’m in no hurry for the Twins to grow up, but I’m very much looking forward to conversations just like this one. As an added bonus, I’ll be able to be a fly on the wall when they start talking like this to each other, which I’m sure will be hilarious.


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