The Dad Abides

Walter Sobchak

"Smokey, you are entering a world of pain."

Today I had four cavities filled at the dentist.

Eating dinner with the entire left side of my face numbed by novocaine, I felt as coordinated as my kids when they’re eating rice cereal, chasing lumps with my tongue as they narrowly escaped my ravenous mouth. But this wasn’t nearly as insufferable as regaining oral feeling, as I, like anyone who upsets Walter Sobchak, entered a world of pain.

Luckily, I opened my fridge to this:

Teething Rings or Beer?

Our World-Renowned Collection of Teething Rings (Left) and Daddy's Special Soda (Right)

Boo-yah.

.

Daddy is teething, too.

–The Wife

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12 comments

  1. Sarah Richardson

    Amen! That is most definitely the way to get through teething…baby illnesses…temper tantrums…

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    • John Pseudonymous

      Yes, my wife is quite brilliant. In fact, I credit her with idea for starting this fine publication. I do like the empty beer bottle remedy. It gives me no choice but to empty bottles for the sake of my children’s health. “It’s not that I want another–I just don’t want him to get jealous that she has one.”

      (And yes, I’ll check out your husband’s work as well.)

      Like

  2. David

    Love the blog! I am a SAHD of “irish twins”-16 months apart…I’m waiting for the day my daughter yells, “DADDY, YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT!”

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Thanks man! How old are the “Irish twins”?

      As far as Lebowski quotes, I’m hoping my kids don’t catch on, either, that Daddy’s “out of his element” and making it up as he goes. Although, I think that one’s much better than, say, “Shut the f*ck up, Daddy” or “See what happens, Daddy? This is what happens. This is what happens when you…”

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  3. David

    ha! Little girl, 2yrs and little boy, 10 months. I’m with you on the quotes, but they have both peed on my rug! Looks like you are just getting started with the blog thing…me too. Just started last saturday, in fact. Hoping to post everyday, or at least that’s the plan. You’ll have to check it out! I look forward to more posts!

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Bummer man. I’m sure that rug really tied the room together. Yeah, I’ve had the blog for just over a month. It’s been a blast and a much-needed creative outlet. I started out hoping to post daily, but it’s become more of a whenever-the-kids-aren’t-demanding-my-immediate-attention thing, which–go figure–is not as often as I anticipated. Thanks so much for your readership and encouragement–I’m thrilled this is being enjoyed. I will definitely check out your blog.

      Like

  4. plantingtracks

    Your blog is brilliant! The teethers/beer photo had me in stitches! I’m entering my second summer as a SAHD and every day has me questioning my ability and sanity. I couldn’t imagine doing it with twins, but let me assure you, a 3 and a half year old girl and her 19 month old sister will most definitely keep you on your toes and prevent you from any nap you ever intended on taking!

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Thanks! Yeah, I’m only a couple of weeks into this and it’s been a great “experiment” so far. I will maintain that despite the chaos, the Twinfants make every day worth it. Sure, there’s bad days, but in the event of such tragedy, I always remind myself of working full time and compare that to being home. Invariably, a tumultuous day at home beats out an excellent day at work. Bottom line. I believe I “met” your wife earlier today and read your blog. Looking forward to more.

      Like

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