Tagged: bacon

The Stay-At-Homestretch

My family’s kajillionth listen of Idina Menzel’s “Let It Go” was suddenly interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone on the car’s Bluetooth. This did not faze the Twins, who just kept on singing, reminding their audience that the cold never bothered them anyway. My wife and I had just picked them up from school, and like most school days, they’d gotten a fresh jolt of energy during the drive home, proceeding to uncontrollably kick the front seats and belt out lyrics with absolutely no regard for the melody or their mother’s migraine.

Disney's Frozen - Elsa

It was super cute the first 500 times.

Without even looking at the caller ID, I answered. Typically my mother calls us on our drive home to see how the Twins’ day at school was. They’ve been attending semi-sporadically since the summer of last year, but as my PhD work has gotten increasingly demanding with each passing semester, we’ve slowly been increasing their weekly amount of school days. (And yes, I’m calling it “school” for a reason. This place has a big-kid curriculum, individualized learning goals for each kid, and even parent-teacher conferences. It is decidedly not a “daycare.”)

As you may remember, for most of the time I’ve spent on campus to do my doctoral work, my mother has very graciously taken care of the Dynamic Duo. However, due to some other important family commitments (which are beyond the scope of this Twincident), she’s been in and out of town, prompting us to seek other (tragically not-for-free) care options for the kids. The transition hasn’t always been easy, with several month-long plagues of sickness throwing off any weekly routine we hoped to establish, sometimes resulting in tearful toddlers at the morning drop-off, but lately, we’ve finally, finally, FINALLY found a groove.

And so whether she’s here in town, hunting Chupacabras in the Mexican wilderness, or scaling Mt. Everest to destroy the Eighth Horcrux, my mom calls us nearly every school day on our way home to see how the Twins’ day was, partly because she really and truly wants them to do well and partly (I’m guessing) because she misses them and wishes she could see them more often.

But when I answered the phone, I found that it wasn’t my mom after all.

“Hello?” I barked casually.

“Hi, I’m looking for John?” said an unfamiliar female voice, cranked to 11 on the car stereo while the kids were still screaming Frozen lyrics.

“Yes,” I called, clawing for my phone in my pocket to turn off the Bluetooth. “This is John.”

“Hi John, I’m calling about the position you interviewed for yesterday.” She hesitated for a moment, assumedly due to the stereophonic pixie voices booming, “I don’t caaaaare what they’re goooing to saaaaay!” Then, she continued. “Is this a good time to talk?”

Continue reading

Shooting the Poop

Twinfamy WordPress Helicopter

I was recently asked by the fantasmic people at WordPress to board a helicopter to their secret volcano lair and participate in a roundtable discussion with other blogging parents regarding our expertise on the subject, an endeavor for which I was well prepared, as I also happen to be an expert on my own expertise.

We had some laughs, some scrumdiddlyumptious WordPress-logo-shaped bacon-wrapped scallops, and an excellent conversation about the labor of love that is family-flavored blogging.

This historic meeting has resulted in a series of WordPress “Daily Posts,” the first of which is titled Mommy and Daddy Bloggers Shoot the Poop: Part One, and is now available here for your reading pleasure.

Thanks to Michelle W. and WordPress for inviting me to their volcano to participate, and to my fellow roundtablers not only for their thoughtful responses, but also for not getting mad at me for eating all of the scallops.

I had low blood sugar, I swear.

Continue reading

Bacon

Whispering Meat Nothings

Last night, with the lights out (it’s less dangerous), just as I was about to drift off to sleep, my wife leaned over to whisper in my ear.

Aw, I thought, how nice. She wants to tell me she loves me one more time before falling asleep, and if I’m lucky, she may even want to consumate said love.

But instead, with conviction, she murmured the following:

We need… to get… some bacon.

.

Bacon. Add a side of bacon to any website by clicking here.

.

After laughing so hard I almost woke up the Twins, I gave the only sane response to this suggestion:

Absolutely. We DO.

And that’s just one of many reasons my wife is awesome.
.

You may also enjoy:

Time for a Bath   A New Reason to Get Off the Phone   The Dad Abides

If not, maybe you just need some bacon in you. You should look into that.