Tagged: wall

Monk

Poop on the Wall

Pink Floyd - The Wall

We don’t need no defecation.

“Okay,” my wife proclaimed, performing a one-woman evacuation of my son’s bedroom. “I’m not going to freak out, but there’s poop on the wall.”

I was proud of her–assuming, of course, that there was, in fact, poop on the wall–because she is our marriage’s sanitation enthusiast. In The Land Before Twinfants, our dwelling was cleaned regularly and often due to her impeccable attention to decontaminatory detail, a gene I never inherited. As a former fraternity house resident, I tend not to recognize that a household item or surface requires cleaning until I trip over a dust bunny attempting to hand me a rent check, as he has recently decided that if he’s going to stick around this long, it is only fair for him to kick in some money.

Rarely is one presented with such a stellar conversation starter as “There is poop on the wall.” I was riveted–I had so many questions. But first, I needed to make sure I heard her correctly, and so, with eyes alight in anticipation, I inquired, “There’s poop on the wall?”

“Yes. There is poop. On the wall.” Okay, so this was no joke. There was. In fact. Poop. On the wall. But where?

“In there?”

“Yes. In there.”

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Moby Dick or The White Whale

Dictwinary #4 – Nap Overlap

Nap O•ver•lap

[NAP O-ver-lap]

proper noun

The rare, sought-after occurrence (especially among stay-at-home parents) of orchestrating all of one’s children to nap simultaneously, awarding the ecstatic parent the opportunity to do whatever he or she desires…at least for a little while. Often punctuated and commemorated with celebratory acts such as Twinfamy’s “Holy Crap, a Nap Overlap” Shuffle.

Gregory Peck as Captain Ahab

A weathered father remains vigilant for a Nap Overlap opportunity.

Due to an unwelcome household visit from the fabled Teething Fairy, the ever-elusive Nap Overlap had now become the stay-at-home father’s White Whale–his obsession–while his tiny first mates alternated between laughing in his exhausted face and wailing along with the Sirens just off the rocky coast.

Moby Dick or The White Whale

This ingested lifeboat symbolizes the father’s shattered hopes of catching 15 minutes of a television show that does not feature singing puppets, eating a lunch that does not come out of a wrapper, or even just zoning out at the wall zombie-style for a few minutes.

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You may also enjoy:

Naptime Musings - My 6 Most Common Thoughts   Captwin's Log - Stay at Home Father Day 1   Dictwinary #3 - Twintrepid

If not, watch out for those Sirens on your way out. They sing a killer rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Almost gets me every time.

I always escape singing “Mama mia, let me go.”