Tagged: UFC

The Jungle Gym Oracle (or, The Many Reasons Twins Are Easier Than One Kid)

“Hey… Wait a minute… Are they… twins?”

I cringed internally while sporting a winning fake smile.

It’s unavoidable.

No matter where we go or what we do, people continue to be intrigued by the novelty that is having twins.

I know I shouldn’t blame them. The realist in me reminds me that twins just aren’t something people see every day, so I do my best to cut them a little slack.

However, for some reason, my having twins automatically issues an invitation for a surprising majority of complete strangers to walk up to us, interrupt whatever we’re doing, and expect me to answer questions about my kids, as if I’m rolling a mobile freak show booth through the grocery store. “Ask me anything!” boasts a Jumbotron visible to everyone but me. “It’s not like I’m trying to figure out which aisle the bastard store manager moved the diapers to while my son throws Cheerios at my face or anything. No, seriously, I want nothing more than to make small talk right now with someone I will never see again while my daughter sits in the wet diaper I need to change as soon as I check out.”

Some of the most popular inquiries I receive during these impromptu press conferences include:

“Do they play together?” (No, although they live in the same house, have the same parents, and do everything together, they do not ever play together. In fact, I don’t even think they’ve met each other.)

“Do they have their own language?” (Yes. We call it English.)

“How far apart were they born?” (Just a few feet. It was in the same room.)

And, of course, my personal favorite:

“Are they identical?” (Please don’t make me explain to you why penises are not identical to vaginas.)

Embarrassed Twinfamy

Sometimes we get so embarrassed for these people.

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