Tagged: drinking

Sunset on Ka'anapali Beach, Maui

How to Lose a Man Card in 10 Seconds

Whalers Village, Maui

I know how it must have looked to the underwhelmed outdoor mall kiosk vendors.

A boisterous early-thirties couple with excellently-defined tan lines bumbling their way through the establishment with heavy footfalls, giggling uncontrollably and carrying the faint scent of island rum.

Oh, fantastic, they observed. More drunk tourists.

I knew this because even in my heightened state of awesomeness, my keen ninja senses saw them willing themselves not to roll their eyes, especially when we slurred the following greeting to an unsuspecting swimwear clerk:

“I’m a mother of twins. I don’t want to look sexy anymore. I want to cover my butt. What do you have for that?”

“She just wants a sarong. Is that so wrong?”

Come on, bikini merchant, crack a smile. Can’t you see that we’re hilarious?

Besides, we don’t get out much, and if you walked a mile in our flip flops, you’d be lit up and hilarious tonight, too.

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Wine Glass Crack 1

Opa!

Unbeknownst to us, our daughter seems to have started a new activist group–Daughters Against Mothers Drinking (DAMD).

Wine Glass

Claiming this glass is half-empty would be optimistic.

Her reasons for this are a mystery to us, as my wife does not even remotely have a drinking problem. She does enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time, but so do a majority of adults over 21. In fact, since the pregnancy (when she didn’t drink and I did my best not to make her jealous), breastfeeding, and the unending sleep deprivation of having twin babies (which does not AT ALL jive with a hangover), both of us have become lightweights who feel superfine after two.

However, when my wife does decide she would fancy a drink, she is most certainly entitled, as she is our household’s primary breadwinner at an oftentimes intense job that spreads her thinly and leaves her toasted by the end of the day.

It was with this fervor that she asked for a glass of wine while at Nani and Abuelito’s (my wife’s mother and stepfather’s) house for dinner last night, and I was happy to oblige, pouring her the finest chardonnay Nani’s entire counter had to offer.

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