Tagged: bikini

Sunset on Ka'anapali Beach, Maui

How to Lose a Man Card in 10 Seconds

Whalers Village, Maui

I know how it must have looked to the underwhelmed outdoor mall kiosk vendors.

A boisterous early-thirties couple with excellently-defined tan lines bumbling their way through the establishment with heavy footfalls, giggling uncontrollably and carrying the faint scent of island rum.

Oh, fantastic, they observed. More drunk tourists.

I knew this because even in my heightened state of awesomeness, my keen ninja senses saw them willing themselves not to roll their eyes, especially when we slurred the following greeting to an unsuspecting swimwear clerk:

“I’m a mother of twins. I don’t want to look sexy anymore. I want to cover my butt. What do you have for that?”

“She just wants a sarong. Is that so wrong?”

Come on, bikini merchant, crack a smile. Can’t you see that we’re hilarious?

Besides, we don’t get out much, and if you walked a mile in our flip flops, you’d be lit up and hilarious tonight, too.

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