I don’t mean to brag, but my family is booger than yours. In fact, I would even venture to say we are the boogest.
As my wife so eloquently put it:
We have enough boogers in this house to fill a pool.
The Black Plague entered our home two weeks ago as a deceivingly slight discomfort in my wife’s throat the day before the Twins’ First Birthday Party EVER Extravaganza, and while this pivotal moment in American History was an overwhelming success, she was sadly not able to enjoy the festivities to her fullest capacity, as Mount Saint Mucus erupted mid-”Happy Birthday to You.”
Yes, that’s right. The Twins are now one year old. I intended to announce this with much more electronic fanfare and Michael-Bay-esque explosions, chronicling the event more extensively than the Royal Wedding for you, O Loyal Reader (as I am certain the mere mention of it now has you trembling in anticipation) but the Plague had other plans. My head is buried in the haze of infection, so a coherent reflection on the first year of fatherhood will have to wait.
Read the rest of this entry →
Posted in Family, Humor, Hyperreality, Parenting, Quotes, SAHD, Stay At Home Dad, Twins
Tags: "Happy Birthday to You", 12 months old, 28 Days Later, American History, art installation, bacteria, badass, birthday, Black Plague, booger, booger/boogest, CIO, cold, cry it out, Cry It Out Method, crying, dead walker, dishwashing, electronic fanfare, explosions, family, fanfare, father of twins, fatherhood, garbage can, germ, hamburger, haze, infection, jealous, Jr., Keurig, Kleenex, Kleenex-wad sculpture, magic, Martin Luther King, Michael Bay, Michael-Bay-esque explosions, microbe, MLK, Mount Saint Helens, Mount Saint Mucus, mucus, new parent, O Loyal Reader, paper plate, pink tissue-abrasion mustaches, pool, projectile, quarantine, rain, Royal Wedding, SAHD, say "uncle", sculpture, Sea World, shopping cart, sinus, sleep, sleep deprivation, sneezing, snot, snot rocket, sorcerer, splash, stay at home dad, Target, throat, tissue, transformation from human to newt, turn signal, Twincidents, twins, Twins' First Birthday Party EVER Extravaganza, vacant stare, virus, voice crack, Walking Dead, wife, wizard, zombie
