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Sharing is Crying
Posted by John Pseudonymous
“No, Buddy, I just told you, your sister is reading that,” I said, prying the coveted Elmo’s ABC Book from his hand, prompting an eloquent baby cuss reply.
Sighing heavily, I returned the pillaged book to my daughter, who kicked jubilantly, as the plot was really heating up around “Q is for quilt” and she was on the edge of her seat on the playroom floor, just dying to see what letter was next.
I turned back to my thieving son. “Buddy, you have five books already. Why don’t we read one of those?”
My son approaches playtime the same way I envision Napoleon Bonaparte would at one year old. Whenever he’s decided what to play with, he desperately needs that toy genre’s entire collection. If it’s blocks, they all simply must encircle him. If it’s books, he needs a shelf-full at his disposal. I’m quite certain that if he were aware of Pokemon, he would not rest until adequately “catching ‘em all.”
Thus, if the parent-on-duty does not facilitate total toy acquisition, we can expect a fiery rage turning his skin green and inflating his muscles to three times their normal size, ironically tearing his Incredible Hulk t-shirt to shreds.
Posted in Family, Humor, Hyperreality, Parenting, SAHD, Stay At Home Dad, Twins
Tags: "Gotta catch 'em all", abc book, ABCs, arm flail, army crawl, baby cussing, baby laugh, blocks, board book, book, Boy George, brother, Can You?, comics, crying, Culture Club, cuss, cussing, daughter, discipline, Dr. Seuss, eldest, eldest child, Elmo, Elmo's ABC Book, family, father of twins, Goldfish crackers, heir to the throne, hoarding, imperialism, Incredible Hulk, jealous, jealousy, justice, karma, Karma Chameleon, kick, klepto, laughing, Lego, literary classic, LMAO, LMAO (letting my amusement out), mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, Marvel, monstertainer, Mr. Brown Can Moo, my dad, my mom, my parents, Napoleon Bonaparte, Network, new parent, on the edge of one's seat, onomatopoeia, Paddy Chayefsky, parent-on-duty, playroom, Pokemon, rightful heir, ROFL, ROFL (rolling over f*cking Legos), SAHD, self-defense, Sesame Street, sibling rivalry, sibling thievery, sister, son, stacking cups, stay at home dad, stealing, t-shirt, toy, toy imperialism, twin-to-twin combat, Twincidents, twins, wife








