For a year and a half, I have shared the epic saga of raising my son and daughter. Although it is, in fact, my life, I sometimes cannot help feeling as if someday as teenagers, they will ask me to please stop reading tales of them smearing poo on their own faces and blowing baby-food bubbles out loud to their boyfriends and girlfriends. With that in mind, I thought it only fair for them to have a voice in this fine publication, and since I’m very preoccupied this week with smearing warpaint all over my face for finals, I felt it was a perfect opportunity for the Twins to allow their voices to be heard–to finally tell THEIR story, to set the record straight once and for all.
They’re not usually allowed to use Daddy’s laptop because Daddy is familiar with their innovative flair for breaking things in new and unanticipated ways, and is certain they will someday figure out how to flush it down the toilet or fling it across the living room with a catapult fashioned from an Elmo chair, wiffle bat, and blankie. And so you can probably imagine their eyes lighting up when I sat it down in front of them on the ottoman with a blank Word document open.
“Go ahead,” I told them. “It’s okay. Write a guest post for Daddy’s blog. Daddy’s busy studying this week.”
Gleeful giggles and the pecking of keys filled the room as the Twins collaborated on their first ever written composition. You should have seen the passion they exhibited, especially when I picked up the laptop, which triggered a loud protest, as if to say, “You’re stifling our creativity, Daddy! It’s not ready yet! We’re still developing its theme, and the dialogue still doesn’t quite sound true to life yet!” However, it was bathtime, and we couldn’t take Daddy’s computer in the bathtub.
I later realized they had not yet given their work a title, so I asked them if they had any ideas. “What do you want to call your guest post, kids?”
My daughter spoke, “Jingo Bezz.”
“Baby, there’s already a song called ‘Jingle Bells.’ Do you have any other ideas, like maybe a play on words or a pun?”
“Jingo Bezz! Jingo Bezz!”
My son nodded pensively in agreement. “Jingo Bezz.”
“All right, kids. ‘Jingo Bezz’ it is. All the way.”
I do realize they had plans to edit their work further, but upon reviewing it, both Mommy and I were astounded by its complexity, its depth, and have no doubt in our minds that we are raising two future New York Times Best-Selling Authors.
And so, without further ado, Twinfamy is proud to present “Jingo Bezz,” The Pseudonymous Twins’ much-unanticipated writing debut. Enjoy:
M 999i:ik;yo0jh 0;.llkkteee5;;m, mmp[[;iuuuiu[[[u[h[[pp=p7p7-p6p-55o-2d-0ddd-xdese=gwf2fd.2™œ2d2f2df2fedfgtde2get2dge2koxkm8uiswu82722727277 ,, gyygg
]]-=p0k[[[jjiiyy=uhjj’]ou758r88f88f 8v8glg8gvlv8lb5etx †yqq124f222212..2d………2.2d2d/2/2/22121121212q22
0 // 0/9 -087i090kj,op[o0 t
-][[ [[ [ [ [ [[[mm[mmm,m,m[ppppp-nm p p o-0 o0 mmoommm0 9]]ed;]
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. . .
Wow! What an emotional roller coaster, right? I’m already pestering them for a follow-up, so we can all finally find out what happened with _ivfssapqpqpPMP7 and 0;.llkkteee5;;m.
Make sure to let us know what you think, and if you know any good literary agents, send them our way. We could really use the extra income.
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If not, Tsdd99ihhvnll.
Posted on December 14, 2012, in Blogging, Family, Humor, Hyperreality, Parenting, SAHD, Stay At Home Dad, Twins and tagged blankie, daughter, Elmo, family, father of twins, guest post, Jingle Bells, Jingo Bezz, new parent, Ph. D., SAHD, son, stay at home dad, this fine publication, twins, wiffle bat. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.