Adventures in Baby-Proofing: Part 2 – Safety Last

This is Part 2 of the greatest child-safety-lock-infused saga of our time, Adventures in Baby-Proofing. See how the quest for full storage compartment lockdown began here.

The baby-proofing latches we bought for the majority of our drawers and cabinets would not properly fit our TV stand drawers, so this week, my wife and I opted for an alternative, the Safety 1st Adjustable Multi-Purpose Strap.

Safety 1st Adjustable Multi-Purpose Strap

The Safety 1st Adjustable Multi-Purpose Strap

Fantastic! We thought. It has “Safety 1st” IN ITS NAME! Surely this product would provide iron-clad protection for years to come.

As you can probably gather from the picture modeled by the lovely microwave (she’s single, fellas!), the device attaches to both the drawer/door and the base of the furniture via double-sided tape. This tape was already adhered to the product, and we were to simply peel off the paper covering the other sticky sides, press them to the necessary surfaces for five minutes or so, and rest easy knowing our katana blade drawer was safely locked away, out of twin-shot.

I followed the instructions carefully and correctly, letting the apparatus settle for an hour or so without any test-tugs, providing ample opportunity for the tape to chemically bond to the TV stand.

I couldn’t help but smile. The Great Baby-Proofing of 2011-2012 had finally come to an end!

Jericho’s wall came tumbling down as I unleashed the savage beasts from behind the baby gates. (Some years ago there was much societal speculation as to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and I would like to finally announce that the question was actually prophesying this very moment.)

My daughter was first out of the gate and cruised right for the the TV stand, seeing new paraphernalia to investigate. I smirked. Sure, little girl. Try to get in. I triple-dog-dare you.

She grabbed for the left strap, and it came off. Like right off. As if not even attached in the first place. There wasn’t even a peeling sound.

The adhesive had clung tenaciously to the TV stand, but, interestingly, not to the strap itself.

Safety Last 1

Once the initial disappointed shock dissipated, I just busted up laughing at this remarkably terrible product and decided the (tw)incident would make a phenomenal whistle-blowing exposé for this fine publication, so I proceeded to photograph the aftermath of Hurricane Daughter. While I was doing that, she effortlessly removed the other strap.

Safety Last 2

Safety Last 3

This put our latest purchase at an unimpressive 0 for 2 in baby deterrence.

I will, however, credit whoever decided to include “Multi-Purpose” in the product title, because my daughter did find a purpose for them–teething.

Safety Last 4

Having sufficiently gotten her gnaw on, she vacated the premises and my son wandered over to inspect her handiwork.

Safety Last 5

Within seconds, he had the same idea as his sister.

Safety Last 6

The chewing lasted several minutes, until he found he could open the drawer.

. . .

So if you’re what you’re looking for in a child safety lock is the actual ability to lock out children, I’d advise against this one since my eleven-month-old daughter was able to dismantle two of them on her first try.

However, if you’re looking for an interestingly-shaped teething device to permanently tether to furniture, it may be just what you’re looking for.

Since I’m part of the former group, it seems The Great Baby-Proofing of 2011-2012 rages on.

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If not, I have a great child safety lock recommendation for you.

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12 comments

    • John Pseudonymous

      No kidding. It’s like as long as they can make it look like it might possibly work, it’ll sell. It’s only until you actually break the seal and bond it to your furniture that you realize it’s a piece of crap.

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  1. Susan Wheatley (@suzwheatley)

    We are having the same problem with our TV stand. Our doors slide and we have yet to find a baby proofing device that will keep Our 18 month old out of there. One a side note…the day we installed the cabinet locks was the best day ever! No more slamming cabinets with their contents emptied out all over the kitchen floor. (a cast iron Le Cruset pot makes one hell of a bang when it hits the floor)

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    • John Pseudonymous

      Yeah, I’m not sure what we’ll use instead. With the TV stand, we’re actually more concerned with them slamming their fingers than what’s actually inside, so we have to get something.

      I feel you on the cabinets, too. With two, there’s always someone investigating, so it’s nice to not have to deal with falling Crock Pots and chopper blades.

      Like

  2. Barmy Rootstock

    When they said “Safety First” they meant that it’s free of BPA and has no artificial colors or flavors. You’re expecting way too much of a baby-proofing product. What? You want it to actually baby-proof?

    Incidentally, what I found worked real well is flypaper laid on the floor along a perimeter around the furniture. You need a lot — like enough to create a 2-3 foot wide swath around everything. It’s great for catching the occasional rat, too and will keep your cat still for hours at a time. Really, I don’t know why you never ask me before you run out and buy those stupid contraptions…

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    • John Pseudonymous

      You know, asking the experts over at the IBMP Innoventions Lab first did cross my mind, but I was bent on thinking “safety first” so I got all disoriented with all the first-ness being thrown around.

      The flypaper is so simple, yet so ingenious. I fixated on attaching something to the drawers, when I really just needed an external deterrent. Seems it could even help get them to stay put for a bit while I get their lunches ready or fill up the bathtub.

      And don’t even get me started on the wonders it could work in the dog obedience arena.

      Sound advice, my friend. Bless you.

      Like

  3. Alexiss

    After two kids we have largely conceded defeat. Having purchased and broken pretty much every baby proofing item on the planet the only ones that even remotely held up were these magnetic safety locks (great for cabinets):

    We used $200+ worth of firegate + extensions to create a safety barricade around our fireplace, TV, and all relevant cables, networking devices, etc. That also worked well. And all for the price of a single car payment – what a deal!

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    • John Pseudonymous

      I do find myself sitting on the floor with them pretty often, so a furniture purge may not change a whole lot. I’ll keep it in the running.

      Thanks. I’ve found I’ve been honing my paparazzi skills pretty well since the kids never seem to stop moving. There are lots of blurs occupying my hard drive, which I may never have time to sift through, but I’m getting better at Moment Capturing, so I think I’ll be a badass by their high school graduation.

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  4. Ms. Jolly Blogger

    My oldest son did the exact same thing with the exact same product. Except he actually learned how to press the side buttons to unlock it!! so much for child-proof! I don’t think the developers of such products really take in the fact that even though babies are indeed, BABIES–they’re much smarter than we think!

    Same thing with the cabinet latches! It worked for a while, but then, after cunningly watching mommy and daddy unlock the latches, he also figured out that you have to push on the top of it to release the latch! Amazing!

    Great blog, btw :)

    Like

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