I Need Some Space (The Final Frontier) OR Twin Wars: Episode 1 – Taunt of the Tauntaun

Wife: We need a bigger diaper bag.

Me: Or possibly a pack mule.

Twinfamy Pack Mule - Cropped

Click the image above for a larger, more glorious version.

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Rainy Day Activity!

What is this pack mule carrying? If you can name all of the products in a comment for this post, you will automatically be entered in a chance to win at life, compliments of Twinfamy.com!

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Fine-Ass Print

Relax, O Loyal Animal Activist Reader–this is not an actual photograph. It was Photoshopped without Photoshop using Microsoft PowerPoint. Furthermore, neither I nor Twinfamy.com advocate the actual use of a pack mule for infant supply transport, primarily because parents already deal with their fair share of feces (sometimes even as an oblivious beautifying facial mask) and the addition of such an animal to one’s entourage would undoubtedly provide even more of an opportunity for sh!t to happen.

We also understand your particular offense to the placement of the Baby Bjorn on the fictional, hypothetical mule’s snout. However, it is not Twinfamy’s fault that the Baby Bjorn is coincidentally bridle-shaped and thus looks especially hilarious in this electronic, not-at-all-intended-for-real-life anatomical location.

The Royal We finally agree that despite the stereotypical “stubbornness” perpetuated by Fox News, the mule is a majestic creature who has just as much of a right to wear hemp and make others feel guilty for thinking steak is delicious as anyone. In fact, in the event that a mule actually is stubborn, it is probably for a viable reason, such as the lack of career options aside from doing oppressive humans’ heavy lifting, or the simple fact that their boys cannot swim due to the chromosonal ramifications of having horse fathers and donkey mothers, not to mention the pressures of having multiracial parents in general.

If you’re still upset, fear not.  I have prepared an alternate version.  Please forget the above ever happened, and see below.

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Alternate Ending

A 500-Disc DVD Special Edition Bonus Feature

Ready? Here we go! Making the jump to LIGHT SPEED…

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Twin Wars: Episode 1 – The Taunt of the Tauntaun

Twin Wars - A Long Time Ago in a Twinfamy far, far away...

Twin Wars - Title

Twin Wars - Episode 1 - Taunt of the Tauntaun

Wife: We need a bigger diaper bag.

Me: Or possibly a pack tauntaun.

Twin Wars - Pack Tauntaun

Still plenty of room for power converters, and also a great heat source if you're stranded in a blizzard on Hoth.

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Jedi Training Exercise

What is this pack tauntaun carrying? If you can name all of the products in a comment for this post, you will automatically be entered in a chance to win one Jedi training lesson with Yoda, the Jedi Master himself, compliments of Twinfamy.com! Offer does not include travel, and is only valid if you can locate Master Yoda on Dagobah yourself.

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You may also like:

Let's Get Sh!tfaced   Big Mother Is Watching Icon   The Dad Abides

If not, please don’t turn to the Dark Side.  Balance has finally been brought to The Force, and you’d just selfishly ruin it for everyone.

2 comments

  1. w1s3r

    Oh my goodness–this has GOT to be the best Star Wars reference in a post in the history of mankind! You, sir, are a genius! Thanks for the post–I fell out of my chair laughing. Keep more coming!

    Like

    • John Pseudonymous

      Wow, thanks so much! There is a fine body of work preceding this that references Star Wars, so I do not take this accolade lightly. I humbly accept, and shall do my best to deliver more work of this caliber.

      Like

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